You’re paying top-dollar for summer camps, but have you taken precautions for the wellbeing of your child? Rabbi Shmuly Rothman put together a parent’s camp checklist.
Rabbi Shmuly Rothman
I was approached by a parent shortly after camp last summer. He wanted to know why his child was a dysfunctional wreck. “What happened to the chassidishe and positive energy I was told campers return home with? My kid is emotionally frozen and non responsive.”
The story that unfolded was the all-too-common unfortunate one.
The child turned to the counselor after the first sign of being picked on by bunk mates. The counselor reassured the camper that everything would be fine. The harassment continued. The cycle repeated itself. The counselor gave reassurance, the camper built hope, nothing was done, and the camper was let down again.
Feeling that there were no means to attaining adequate support in camp, and having little to no phone access to contact his parents, the child came up with his own method of coping. He turned off emotionally.
In this case, it took months and months to get the child back to the relatively healthy emotional state he had been in prior to the camp experience.
Unfortunately, this child is not going back to overnight camp this summer. Interesting return on an investment.
Does this happen to all kids who go away to sleep away camp? Of course not! Does it happen to most? No. But does it matter? Even if it only happens to a few, will you knowingly send your child off – and pay top dollar at that! – for this possible outcome?
Let me make my feelings about camp very clear. Overnight camp is an incredible experience. Many kids look forward to camp all year long. Many parents rely on camp for the infusion of chayus, chassidishkeit and the all around excitement for yiddishkeit it instills in their children. Camp is a living, breathing, Jewish reality. Perhaps for some it is even a fortaste of Moshiach.
How can parents assure that their children have this kind of amazing experience and not have one like I described earlier? Is there anything that can be done on the homefront? Or do we just send our kids away and take our chances?
Allow me to offer some humble suggestions.
First and formost, ask yourself: What am I doing to prepare my child to face the social-emotional challenges that will face them in camp… and throughout life?
Just as you as a parent make sure to send off your kid with every item on the camp packing list neatly packed and ready to go, so too, you need to have your own checklist.
Here are some of the questions to ask yourself before you send your child away:
* What have I done to protect my child from the emotional dangers they may encounter as I send them many miles away?
* I teach my children to stay away from strangers. Have I had a conversation about setting personal boundaries?
* Have I taught my child that someone who picks on them, laughs at them, and makes fun of them does not fit into the category of friend?
* Have I taught my child to say, “I will be happy to associate with you when you are kind and friendly to me?”
* Do I teach my child that no one has the right to lay a finger on them? Camper or staff?
* In the world we live in, with statistics being what they are, does my child know that they are forbidden to be alone in an area with an older camper or staff member?
You might also do well to have a list of questions to ask the camp director. Camp directors and camp staff work extremely hard to make the camp miracles happen each summer.
By being in contact with them, you can actually help them to reach the succes that they are already striving for. Ask him or her some pointed questions:
* What system do you have in place to guarantee the physical safety of my child?
* What system do you have in place to guarantee the emotional well being of my child?
* Does your camp have a strict (same-gender) no yichud policy, forbidding staff to be alone with a camper or with each other?
* Do you have state clearances for all of your staff?
* Is anyone on staff trained and experienced in the social-emotional safety of children?
* Understandably, campers will need to be disciplined. Are you able to send me a copy of your discipline guidelines?
You have a responsibility to make an informed decision about where to send your child off to (it could not hurt to ask the same questions to any out of town moised you send your child, bochur, or high school girl to and spend tens of thousands of dollars annually on).
Failing to ask the questions is an injustice to your child. This is not to suggest that the answers will be dissatisfactory. Asking will make you an informed consumer. If nothing else, you’re paying for the right to ask.
You have already made the decision to invest in the overnight camp experience for your child. Now insure a desired return.
— Rabbi Shmuly Rothman is a Shliach in Pittsburgh, PA and coaches Shluchim, Mechanchim, parents and children in the Lubavitch Community. Learn more about him at ShmulyRothman.com
